Ocuppied With Children

I have been completely amazed and inspired by the Occupy Wall Street movement and the Occupy Protests that have gone down in solidarity in other cities and countries.  The fact that people in this country are finally fed up with the ridiculously unequal distribution of wealth and resources and are realizing that if we are united the power can truly be with the people, is something I was almost convinced I would not get to witness in my lifetime.  I am humbled by those folks who have given up the comforts of their daily lives because they are so passionate about the need for change in our country.
Being socially responsible and standing up for justice and equality for all people are virtues that were installed in me by my own parents and are definitely some of the most important qualities I hope to pass on to my own girls.  The Occupy protests have stirred up intense emotions and internal conflict for me as I am torn between my desire to be an active participant in this movement and my responsibilities to my family.
How can I join in the protests when I have to pick up the girls from school?  How can I march in the streets when I have to take them to dance class, trumpet lessons and band practice?  As vital as these daily actions are, lately I have had to fight back feelings of guilt for conducting business as usual during these intense and volatile times.  But I have to ask myself if leaving my kids to join the protests is truly going to make the world a better place?  On one hand I want to set a good example for them, I want them to see their mama taking a stand against injustice so that they will grow up believing that they should always do something when there is a wrong being committed.  But on the other hand, I want to provide my girls with opportunities, support, caring and attention each day of their lives so that they grow up feeling safe, secure and loved.  Will more positive change come to the world from me joining the protesters to help intensify the strength of the 99% or from raising 3 confident, educated, happy girls?
I remember reading the biography of Ernesto "Che' Guevara, and learning that he left his kids when they were very young to continue to fight for revolutions in other countries.  He felt so strongly about changing the world that he was willing to give up being a father and raising his children (which seems to be a choice the majority of history's successful revolutionaries have had to make).  Did the impact he had on changing international laws, policies & social structures actually provide more for his children than anything he could have given them by staying at home with them?  Is it the seemingly small daily actions that truly have more profound impact than the large scale ones?  Can being there to tuck your kids into bed every night be a revolutionary act?  Is it even possible for someone to be both a parent and a revolutionary or does one have to give up one for the other?
Deep down I do believe that being present everyday of my kids' lives will have a profound impact on their healthy development but even if we are "Super Parents" our girls will never be able to lead truly successful and joyful lives if there continues to be such immense injustices and inequalities outside of our front door.  How bad does it have to get for other people's children before I am willing to sacrifice my relationship with my own children?  Maybe the key to ending all of this disparity and conflict is for the world to learn to love and care for everybody elses' children as deeply and unconditionally as we feel for our own.
At least then I would know someone was tucking my girls into bed while I was out Occupying...

Daycare Blues: The Most Horrible Day of Rio's Life

Tomorrow at around 9:30am, my heart will be broken.  I am taking Rio to spend the morning at her new daycare where, starting in January when I return to working full time, she will be spending all day Monday-Friday.  The first day of daycare drop-off is a special kind of torture of an especially brutal kind.  I have gone through this exact scenario twice before but contrary to popular belief: IT DOES NOT GET ANY EASIER!  In fact, this time feels the worst of all...
Maybe it's because I know exactly what's coming to me.  There is no doubt in my mind that she will cry hysterically when I try to walk out of the room and I will physically have to unattach her from my body.  She has spent everyday of her entire life with me and she loves her Mama something fierce.  The first couple of months of her life she didn't even like being with her own Papa and it is only recently that she will calmly go to and stay with her Grandmas who live upstairs.  Now I am going to leave her alone with a complete stranger in a brand new place.  She is going to be miserable.
I am fully aware of what a blessing I received to be able to stay home with her for an entire year, which is the longest I stayed with any of the girls.  Maybe being with Rio for so long is why this round of daycare drop-off feels like the most painful ever.  We have had a blast.  I have deeply loved every minute of getting to play with her, cuddle her and care for her and honestly I am going to miss her even more than she will miss me.
It's only for 3 hours and she won't be able to remember it when she is older, but tomorrow will be one of the most monumental experiences of her life.  It is the moment when I send her out into the big, bad, beautiful world.  It will be her first bond and relationship that she forms with a person completely on her own.  She will learn all kinds of social norms and lessons and start to develop solid pieces of her identity.  I know in my hearts of hearts that me going to back to work and Rio going to daycare is truly what is best for her, for myself and for our entire family.  At 1 year old, her attachment to me is heartwarming and adorable but later in her life, that same attachment can very easily turn annoying and impeding.  Even though turning my back and walking away from the love of my life when she is in extreme distress goes against every fiber of my being, I know that having to do hard and painful things for the sake of my family is what earns me the coveted title of "Mama".  Hey, both Justice and Chuli flipped out on me the first day (or week, or month!) I left them at daycare, and now I am lucky if I can get a hurried good-bye from them as they leave me in the dust when they run into school.
Tomorrow morning will be rough.  I won't be able to cry and scream hysterically and I won't have someone to hold me and try everything they can to make me feel better but I can guarantee I will shed some serious tears and spend some time feeling like the most horrible Mama on the planet.  I can only hope that the incredible amount of work I am able to accomplish when I have no little ones demanding my attention will help cushion the blow a little.  That, and that these 3 hours past by quicker that any 3 hours in the history of time!

My Girls Got Kicks

Anyone who knows me, knows about my hard core sneaker addiction.  As far back as I can remember I was always concerned about keeping my feet looking flossy; from my first pair of British Knights High Tops in 3rd grade to my custom made Dunks I rocked for our wedding. 

Like the good addict that I am, I have successfully passed down my sneaker dependency on to my children.  I am now responsible for keeping 4 pairs of feet fitted in the freshest kicks; a task that is both time consuming and expensive considering 3 pairs of those feet change size almost every month!  

Chuli's newest pair: Adidas Toy Story Edition

Rio rocked her first pair f kicks before she could walk 

 While becoming a Mama of 3 has definitely forced me to downsize my own sneaker collection, seeing my girls strutting in a dope pair of kicks and getting super pumped about opening a new shoe box, makes every pair I have had to leave on the shoe store shelf completely worth it.  For me raising 3 little female sneaker-heads is about much more than just looking cute (although they definitely have the cute factor covered).  There is a sense of empowerment that comes from being a female sneaker head.  Our kicks get noticed and appreciated by men & women alike and let's the world know that my girls are always ready to run, play and get dirty (but not too dirty that they mess up the kicks!).  The right of pair of fresh kicks is the perfect symbol for my fabulously fierce tough little cookies!

A few years ago, I met an amazing lady named Lori Lobenstein who is the founder or femalesneakerfiend.com.  Justice, Chuli and I were invited to participate in a photo shoot for Lori's book Girls Got Kicks, "the first ever photo documentary of badass females, told from a unique angle: their passion for sneakers".   

This Thursday October 20, is the San Francisco book release party for Girls Got Kicks.  If you are in the Bay Area, put on your freshest pair of sneakers and come down to check out the book and find out what being a Female Sneaker Fiend is all about.  Me and my girls will be there...now I just have to go through the shoe racks to figure out which pairs we will be rocking!

To find out more about the Girls Got Kicks book and San Francisco Book Release Party check out:

http://www.girlsgotkicks.com/blog/tag/book-tour

And check out Lori Lobenstein's post about Mama Sneaker Fiends featuring Justice, Chuli & I on:

Off Beat Mama Blog

Rio Walks It Out

I knew this day was coming.  She's been standing up all on her own and cruising around on furniture so, it was apparent that pretty soon my little baby would be fully upright and walking around.  I was sure we had at least another month before the walking began but in true Rio style she amazed us all last night by suddenly walking half way across the room.  It was pretty much the cutest thing I have ever seen to watch her chunky, over-achieving thighs waddle across the floor.  And even though it ended in a face plant, it was glorious!  She even had the consideration to wait to do it when Mama & Papa where both in the room and we had the Flip Cam within reach.  Such manners!
It is a momentous occasion and I have decided instead of getting all emo about how quickly my little baby is growing up, to use this event as a chance to stop and reflect on all the amazing things Rio has in store for her.  Now that she has mastered the art of staying balanced & strong on her two little legs she will be ready to:

RUN!  Run towards adventure and excitement and opportunities.  Run around the bases after her first Homerun.  Run full of joy with her big sisters by your side.  Run away from negativity and hate, from things that oppress and try to tear her down and from things that are just too scary.

DANCE!  She will bring us all many smiles and lots of laughter as she discovers the joy of rhythm and invents her own style of groovin'.  I can't wait for the first time she dances down 24th & Mission streets with Loco Bloco in Carnaval!  When she finally makes the move out of her stroller and shakes her little booty in her sparkly costume.  And the first time she takes the stage to perform and blow us all away as Justice and Chuli have done.  I promise to be there in the front row, cheering loudly for every releve, leap, spin, chasse and hip roll.

TRAVEL! Even though the girl already has some stamps on her passport, she can now take her own steps to discover the world.  She will not let borders contain her.  She will climb pyramids, stick her toes in all of the world's oceans, climb trees in the rain forests and leave her foot prints on every kind of soil our planet has to offer.

and last but definitely not least...we get to start her sneaker collection!  From her first pair of Js to collecting a pair of kicks in every color of the rainbow we will definitely have a blast keeping your walking-feet flossy.  

Of course there will be the times when she trips, falls down, walks down the wrong street and when her feet will be achy and tired.  During those moments Mama, Papa and big sisters will be there to pick her up and hold her hand when she needs a little support.

So Baby Girl, just keep on putting one foot in front of the other, we all can't wait to see the magic and power those cute pudgy toes contain!

Rio-Lize!!!

Baby Rio is pretty much my favorite human being and here are just a few reasons why:

She does this:

And she can do this on command:

And her newest trick is doing the "Dos Manitos" song:

Stay tuned for more reasons why Rio is the biggest Love-Bug ever!

Back Seat Bieber

For those who missed this one:

As you probably know by now Chuli, my 5 year old, has a full blown case of Bieber Fever.  Combine that with the fact that she has been a Performer (with a capital P!) since she came into this world and you end up with this...pretty much the most awesome thing I have ever witnessed.

What do you think, is she the next YouTube sensation?

My Rock Star Ballerina

You wouldn't know it from looking at her, or even spending some time with her, but my daughter Justice has a hidden talent.  A secret identity if you will.  By day she is a rough and tumble, self-identified "tomboy", who wouldn't touch a frilly princess with a 10 foot pool and who thinks "pink" is a cuss word.  But, at night (or really at 4pm) she transforms into a...wait for it...BALLERINA!  Complete with tights, leotard and even a bun.

 

Well, technically it's 1/2 a bun, since the whole left side of her head is shaved off...

And believe it or not, she is pretty amazing.  She took her first ballet class because  she was basically forced to.  I will admit, it was completely my decision for her to enroll in Ballet 1 at ODC when she was 6 years old but back then it was pretty easy to convince her to do things. 

She really didn't enjoy it her first semester.  "It's boring" was a phrase heard many times and yes, when a beginning level Ballet class is sandwiched between Capoeira class and Afro-Brazilian drumming class, it is easy to see why she felt that way.  It moved slow, they spent hours pointing their toes, standing up straight and bending their knees.  She wasn't very inspired at all.  Then I got a job working at ODC and the girls' dance classes became completely free and there was no escaping the Ballet monster.  I stayed firm with her about staying in Ballet because of my own lack of dance technique.  Dance is a very important part of my life but not something I could ever do on a real professional level because I never took any technique classes.  I refused to stay in (or at times even try) any activities my mamas wanted me to do,  and let's just say that unlike Justice, I was not so easy to convince to do things...Anyways, in my old age I can now look back and regret all of the things I didn't allow myself to do and since I can't turn back the clock for me, I try to make sure my kids don't repeat those mistakes.

And in this case, I kinda feel like making Justice stick with it during that first year of "torture" was the right thing to do (dare I say it?!).  Once she got into Ballet 2, which even included an additional day each week of class, she started to enjoy it more.  It moved a little faster, she was making friends at the studio but, most importantly, it started to become very clear that she was pretty darn good at this whole Ballet thing.  The clean lines and flexibility came natural to her and with her long, lean legs she definitely looked the part of a full-fledged Ballerina.  She was so good that she even scored herself a coveted part in the Children's Chorus of ODC/Dance's Velveteen Rabbit production.  People definitely started noticing her and the truth is, no matter how old you are, it feels pretty awesome when people tell you that you are good at something.  She definitely deserved the praise she would get.  For the end of the year showcase for her Ballet 2 year (see video below), I was expecting your average 3 minute performance of which I had sat through many times before, but she stepped on that stage with a presence and elegance that I had never seen in her before.  She was so graceful and beautiful and seeing her dressed in all white with hair pulled back tightly was the first time I viewed my little girl as a young woman.  It was intense to say the least and turned me into a blubbering fool.  She was cast in very special roles for 3 consecutive years in the Velveteen Rabbit and advanced pretty quickly up the Ballet levels.  Last year, at 9-10 years old, Justice was in ODC's Ballet 3 class which meant she had class 3 times a week for a total of 5 hours a week.  She was loving Ballet more than ever and she had really started to embrace her "ballerinaness".  I would watch her running around at the playground or even playing video games and even in those "sloppy" situations she kept such a strong, elegant posture about her and it always brought a smile to my face especially when she wearing some dirty old sneakers and ripped up jeans.  But all of this wasn't without a price.  In 3rd grade she had to stop going to Salsa Band practice because it conflicted with her Ballet class schedule and in 4th grade she had to quit the soccer team she had been playing on since once again another day of Ballet had been added to her weekly schedule.  They were tough decisions for a young kid to make but there just weren't enough days in the week to do it all.

Finally, this summer, when it came time to start the tedious process of creating the girls' afterschool schedule of classes (which is an entire blog post in itself...coming soon!) it became apparent that it was either Ballet or nothing.  If she returned to her regular Ballet Class she would be going Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  That left no time to continue her Capoeira, no time to try new styles of dance she was interested in (Modern & Tap), no time for baseball and no time for drumming or trumpet lessons.  It suddenly became clear to me that Justice was going to only be a ballerina!  This is a SF girl, a raised in The Mission girl, who can throw a fast ball that will leave your hands red, do all kinds of crazy back flips and roll a sick Samba beat for hours.  The thought that she wouldn't be able to explore all of these other talents freaked me out.  

We deliberated for hours, days and weeks about which classes to take this year.  We tried to piece together all sorts of possible schedules, considered all the logistics, thought about what activities would help her get into the good high schools, the good colleges and even the good careers (yes, I am fully aware how bonkers it sounds that we are talking about a 10 year old here) but we finally decided that even though ODC offered us a generous scholarship, Justice would not take Ballet this year.  She instead would take 2 days modern rep classes as a part of Dance Mission's Jr. Grrrl Brigade, take 1 day of Ballet also at Dance Mission (a much different Ballet than what she is used to at ODC), go back to the youth Salsa Band she has played with (the amazing Los Chile Verdes), continue her Capoeira training (now in the "teen" level class) and take private trumpet lessons.  Whoo-Whee, I get tired even typing it all!  

I want to stop right here for a second to acknowledge that I am fully aware that this a problem of privilege and that I am grateful and appreciative that my daughters and I are even in the position to have to make these decisions.  All children deserve to have too many things that they love and are good at doing.

The decision was anything but easy to make and was only made harder when the Ballet Director of ODC herself sent us an email expressing her sadness that Justice wouldn't be dancing there and telling us that they all felt that Justice was the most talented dancer in her age group and had the potential to go very far in her career as a dancer.  Talk about adding fuel to the fire!  Even though we are a month into these classes, and Justice is loving every minute of everything, I still ask myself every day if we made a major mistake taking her out of Ballet.  Is Ballet what she was put on this planet to do and is taking her out at this pivotal year going to destroy her chances of becoming a Prima Ballerina?  Right now Justice is just saying that she is just taking a "break" from Ballet and plans to return to her full Ballet regiment at ODC next school year, but seeing how much she is excelling and enjoying these other activities, I don't know how true that statement will be come time to register for classes.

I worry about Justice entering these pre-teen years because I am all to aware of what happens to girls and their confidence and self-image at this age.  I believe that being involved in an art or sport at an intense level is essential to her navigation of these tough times and her ability to come out healthy and successful on the other side.  I want her to be so good at something that it opens doors, provides opportunities and allows her to go and experience places and things I have only dreamed of.  Really I could care less what that "something" is as long as it is "something" she loves enough to stick with.  Ballet was providing her with those kind of amazing opportunities and self-confidence, and I am scared that I just took that away from her.  On the other hand, maybe it is going to be the Trumpet or Capoeira or Modern Dance that really provides all this for her.  At only 10 years old, she seemingly has all the time in the world to try out all kinds of things as she works on forming her sense of identity but every time I look at her, in all her 10 year old glory, beauty and all around amazingness, I think of the day she was born and how recently it was when she was a little lump snuggled in my arms who couldn't even walk, time sure does seem to be moving at light speed...

I am probably WAY over-thinking this thing and might be bordering on obsessiveness (at least I'm not as crazy as those wakadoos on Dance Moms!) but this is my first born daughter and I am already so proud of and humbled by who she is that with all my heart all I want is to do right by her.  

I will forever be grateful for the amazing teachers and curriculum of ODC's Ballet program for what they have provided her with and whatever path Justice ends up taking she will be FIERCE.   Even though this tough talking, rough neck girl who beats all the boys in her class at Tether Ball would probably deny if asked about it, I know she truly loves being a Ballerina.  One day on our way home from the theater after a Velveteen Rabbit dress rehearsal (she would die if she knew I was telling you this), she leaned over to me and whispered in my ear "Mama, I really do like dancing because when I see myself I feel beautiful".  As long as she continues to do things that makes her feel beautiful, we should all be okay...

Maybe she will invent a new ballet-capoeira-modern-baseball-trumpet-drumming fusion style and blow us all away! 

God, I love being this child's Mama!